"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." Greg Anderson
Easy for him to say! All he ever has to do is wash and shave. That's because he's a man.

My journey starts with the FIRST BLOG; you'll need coffee/tea and probably some chocolate digestives, or maybe some Cadbury's Fruit and Nut, or Green and Black's Organic if you've got more money than sense.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Scum And Other Animals

I really don’t want to tell you this story because I’d prefer to keep this blog light and frothy, tell you stories about my warts, Rasta pubes or musings on the benefits of burkhas. Fun and drivel. Sadly, however, sometimes it just can’t be. Those of you who have never had to endure some of the horrors of meeting people via the internet, probably can’t imagine that this stuff happens to ‘normal’ people, probably can’t imagine how you’d react.  

Stella turned up yesterday, hot-cross-bun-less and not wearing make-up. Something was clearly up. She dropped herself onto the conservatory sofa and grunted. Better make a cup of tea, I thought. I tiptoed about the kitchen waiting for her to speak. Nothing. I made the cup of tea and placed it in front of her. Nothing. Eventually, since the softly, softly approach was getting me nowhere, I ventured "What’s up?"

"Men," she said. "Bloody men."

Oh that! Why didn’t you say so in the first place? 

"What about them?"

"You’ll never believe what happened to me yesterday."

I thought "I expect I will". Best just to let her get it out of her system. 

"I mean – what is it about me?" she said. "What the hell am I doing wrong? I’m straight-forward, fun, relatively intelligent, honest, hard-working. I scrub up well, know how to behave in all walks of life. And yet..."

"And yet what?" I said. 

"Last night, I let somebody IM me again," she said. "Actually, I just wanted a chat, and I didn’t want to call you coz you said you were going to have an early night. I was wide awake, I’d been working on the computer and I was feeling sort of lonely."

Ah, I could see where this was going.

She went on. "I’m not saying I was entirely blameless; it does serve me right… a bit. But only because I should have learned my lesson from last time. But, you know, you keep thinking, hoping against hope that people are going to be OK. Oh anyway, the long and the short of it, Bette, is that the guy asked me if I wanted to see him in the pop up, I said no, but he still put his web cam on and there’s he was in front of me - wanking." 

There was a sadness and disappointment about her; probably as a result of that last fiasco with the Market Research Guy. It wasn’t that she was shocked or outraged by what he did. Who cares? People do it. But here was a Stella I hadn’t seen before; her optimism had somehow been raped. 

And I just wanted to smack the douchebag, arsehole, fuckwit. Sorry about the language - I’m feeling extraordinarily angry on her behalf. Because for all that I sometimes portray her as pushy and gobby and out-there in this blog, she’s got a heart of gold, is one of the most considerate people I know, is a super mum whose kids (despite my silly digs at them) are a real credit to her, and has so much life, stamina and adventure in her that any man should think himself bloody grateful to have her. 

"Sod it," she said after a couple of minutes of staring out into my garden. "Where's your Ipod? Stick it on." She scrolled down, picked up my orange highlighter, put it to her lips and began to sing to this. Irrepressible - thank God!  

I can’t say that I would be quite so bothered if this scenario had happened to me, well, not after my recent KUTA and the guy on the mobile. I’m learning too. I think I'm almost at the point of being able to treat it like any another David Attenborough documentary - a brief glimpse at an animal in its own habitat. 

Meanwhile, I do believe I have a rather lovely date coming up shortly; I don't quite know why but I feel really good about it. (Kiss of death?) Also, Stella has recycled one of her ex dates onto the same friend I recycled my ex date on. The system is working well. ;) 


Anonymous said...

Stupid internet assholes. I'm sorry, Stella. I have found that IMing is just bad. Seems the worst of the worst sort of prety on IM innocents. I just won't do it.

Internet dating is so hard. You can't tell what someone is like. If they've told the truth about anything until you meet them. You have got to have broad shoulders and although nearly impossible (at least for me), try not to let the douchebags get you down. :-(

If I were to add up all the guys I've messaged vs gone out with vs gone out with more than once, it would look something like this:
messaged: 300
actually met: 60? (ugh, that's sad)
gone out with more than once: 5 (yup, 5)

Stella, these creeps are no reflection on you. It's them. I'm sure you're lovely. Hell, you let Bette write all about you, you've gotta be great. ;-P

As for you Bette, I am excited for your date and can't wait to read all about it!!!

Ken said...

Geez - I know men are pigs but this - this, as you say, cannot be of our species.
It shames me sometimes to be part of this ....gender, breed?
I am as male as the next Tom, Dick or Harry but this sort of behavior makes me puke!
You two are an inspiration to us all, that you are even willing to continue to offer the benefit of doubt to any men.
I understand lonely, but I am not nearly as courageous as you two. I could not stay on those sites.

My best wishes to you both.

Anonymous said...

Hi Coz - how disgusting. If he was a man in park - he would be arrested. I wonder how legal it is to transmit these images? Any chance of Stella and you turning into Internet detectives, tracking down his IP address and chopping his small bits off ;-) (Like Rosemary and Thyme but with teeth...)

Cousin Bette said...

I was talking to someone about this whole business today, and they suggested Stella should report the guy. I'm not entirely sure why that hadn't dawned on either of us. The thing is, he'd probably only sign up with a different name again.

MWT - I think you probably meant 'like Rosemary and Thyme but with secateurs'! A most appealing image in his case.

bella69 said...

Hi Bette, God where do I possibly begin with this one!! The thought of this literally makes one feel sick but more than that incredibly ANGRY. Our law and justice system is a complete ass. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than joining you and Stella, Rosemary and Thyme to Charlies Angels perhaps without the Charlie as we wud indeed be trying to out the ‘Charlie' that committed this heinous act!!! Sadly the truth is even if we were successful in our mission without concrete evidence he would walk on the basis of Stellas word against his. Then we wonder why this country is going to the dogs! Stella as we both know will rise above this sorry episode, mainly because she wouldn't let one ‘ WANKER take up more than a millisecond of her time. This in itself is just one reason why one day she will find That special someone who is deserving of her love and all the special qualities that make her the unique one of a kind she truly is. Keep ur chins up girls 2moro is another day much love and respect to you both. Til the nxt time.....

Anonymous said...

I meant garden shears I think! But anything sharp will do.
It may be worth reporting it do the internet dating site - they may be able to track his location through the IP address - whatever he calls himself. Even if there is insufficient evidence to prosecute - a sharp slap from the web admin people may give him a shock.

Cousin Bette said...

Bella69 - I'll have you know I only have the one chin! And let's not get too gushing about You Know Who - it might go to her head. We really don't need that now, do we?

Stella said...

Dear all
Thank you all for your lovely words, and Bella69 I am with Bette here I only have one chin lol I do facial yoga don't you know.

It was just a minor wobble on my part dear readers. I have met many wonderful and lovely men and yes oddballs and of course we Know many of the oddballs are wankers but you just don't expect to find one popping up literally on a webcam :)