"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." Greg Anderson
Easy for him to say! All he ever has to do is wash and shave. That's because he's a man.

My journey starts with the FIRST BLOG; you'll need coffee/tea and probably some chocolate digestives, or maybe some Cadbury's Fruit and Nut, or Green and Black's Organic if you've got more money than sense.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

You won't find another fool like me, babe (New Seekers 1973) Part 3

The email said:

My dear Bette,
Thank you for your kind reply and for letting me off the hook so easily. I really don’t deserve it. There is so much to tell you. The lady I was with went back to her husband – she had omitted to tell me that she was separated, not divorced, and was in constant contact with him.

Etc. More explanations and then-

I know it is a lot to ask, but would you consider giving me another chance?

What? WHAT?? WHAT??? 

ARE YOU NUTS? 

DID YOUR MOTHER DROP YOU ON YOUR HEAD AS A BABY? 

Actually, you’d probably like me to have really thought those things. I didn’t; I just thought how sad, how very, very sad. My bubble had burst and there was no way I could reconstruct it just to satisfy his need.  For me, there was no going back; the fantasy had crumbled. Whereas he – well, Gilbert O’Sullivan’s 1970s song came to mind – was alone again, naturally. I felt so sorry for him.

I replied saying all the above, more eloquently though, and wished him well again.

Then I got another email.

My dear Bette,
I can fully understand your feelings, but given time we can make bigger and better bubbles.  Please reconsider. I think, in your heart of hearts, that you are perhaps frightened of the possibilities of this relationship. You too have been alone for some time now and we both know that change is a terrifying business. I’m sure if you think about it, you’ll see you should take this chance.

It was right about now that I began to see red.  
Did you see what I saw? 
Notice that word - SHOULD? 
Notice the word before it - YOU? 


There are only four people in the world who are allowed to use that filthy, disgusting word in my presence: Stella, my sister, my Mum and Dad. And even they have learnt to duck when it accidentally slips out. Because in my vast experience, dear followers, SHOULD is generally SHITE. And somebody, a man what is more, presuming to know what I SHOULD do just plain pisses me off. Oh dear... passez moi les sels... I think I got un peu overwrought there. And breathe...

I replied, saying none of the above in that format, but making it clear, yet again, it was a no go.

I got another email. Finally, he accepted it and said he hoped that someday in the future a meeting might still be feasible, although he now understood no relationship would be possible.

So, there you have it. I’ve discussed this with a couple of my girlies and they said they’d be less a/forgiving b/stupid (no surprise there then!) c/willing to ever consider internet dating. Oh yeah – and that, bottom line, all men are not only frogs, they are also card-carrying arses.

But they’re not, are they? Not ALL of them, surely?  And he isn't really either - just a flawed human being like so many of us. You won't be surprised to hear there's another little bit to this story - what you might call a post script, but I've gone over the wretched blogger word count again, so next time. OK? 

Nearly forgot! Confession. You remember the Deutsch-speaking, lettuce-retching, brain-witheringly dull date of a couple of blogs ago? I arranged that encounter in a little piquey tantrum on the day I was dumped by the biker; it might have been wiser to see what else had arrived in the mailbox.

Lessons learned?
  •   A maximum of 6 emails between parties.  
  •  A quick meeting to get it over and done with.
  •  Don’t assume that the ability to pen more than two sentences is an indication of anything whatsoever in common. (I hadn’t actually learned this by the time of Lettuce Man.) 

Linguistic addendum. To my reader in Borneo - welcome! How fabulous! I thought it might help you to know that in the English language shit and shite are almost interchangeable. However, shite conveys a stronger sense of outrage and emotion. I believe it is more commonly used in the north of England. 

7 comments:

Stella said...

Remember Bette, not all men are rubbish (ha bet you never thought you would hear me say that) You just have to remember what my dear mum said to me, as long as you understand that men don't mature past hmmmmm lets be generous here and say 14 then you won't be disappointed, I have lived by this and rarely am, disappointed that is :)
I too have learnt that it's best to meet quick and get the disappointment over and done with and move on, not that I am cynical or anything, just realistic. Internet dating is after all a very odd kettle of fish.

Anonymous said...

It is indeed a very odd kettle of fish! Took me 3 years of random dates but I did eventually meet my mr right and am now mrs right!!

Cousin Bette said...

OMG, Anonymous! Three years? THREE YEARS? I won't have a smooth bit of flesh on my entire body by then! Who (who is worth having...) will want me in that pre-corpsal condition? I'd better step up the action! How many dates per week does this require?

Cousin Bette said...

Stella - your first comment suggests that you've been drinking. Or have you had an epiphany, my dear?

D said...

If I may, a different perspective from what Stella said about internet dating being an odd kettle of fish. How different is it from all the other ways humans interact these days for the purpose of finding a partner? We have the option of deciding for ourselves, whether or not we want a relationship with another person without the intervention of a third party (i.e., the matchmaker, the marriage broker, the dating service, parents or family, the village/church social). And yes, I agree, you have to be realistic. But that’s something that comes with maturity. We’ve finally graduated beyond the fairy princess perception that has been crammed down our throats from the time we could walk… and what I believe is that at some moment in our lives, especially if we’ve experienced an unsatisfactory coupling… what we are now looking for is companionship, friendship and the willingness to put up with our family and crazy friends! How we resolve that issue doesn’t really matter. So whether you read through the personals in the back of the newspaper, chat someone up at a local coffee shop, accept a blind date arrangement by family/friends, participate in singles night at the grocery store (you know, the bananas on the handlebars of the buggy signal), speed date, or sign up for internet dating, at least you are taking responsibility for your own future. Have fun with it… don’t take it so seriously! No one is going to mark you on your success or failure! And after all has been said and done, it does makes for great storytelling come girls’ night out!

Downith said...

"Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?"

Did I snort coffee through my nose and onto my keyboard when I read that?

bella emberg said...

men should engage their brains before opening their gobs! Theirs is a joke going around- men develop until they are eight after that they just grow.