"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." Greg Anderson
Easy for him to say! All he ever has to do is wash and shave. That's because he's a man.

My journey starts with the FIRST BLOG; you'll need coffee/tea and probably some chocolate digestives, or maybe some Cadbury's Fruit and Nut, or Green and Black's Organic if you've got more money than sense.

Monday, 28 March 2011

Moving on up and nothing can stop me

The other day I met someone I hadn't seen in ages. Our children went to school together all those eons ago. It was great to see her because she's a bit of a loony class act, and we more or less managed to stop the pedestrian traffic while we gossiped and caught up with what the kids are doing, what we are doing, what everybody we knew from those days is doing. 


Anyway, she told me her brother has entered the internet dating scene. He's pretty much the same age as me, but it seems he's seeking a younger model on the basis that someone in their early thirties (let's say) is going to look better in a bikini than an old bat either approaching or having passed the half a century mark; preferably somebody without the inconvenience of children. I can see his point. To some extent. I mean I could probably force myself to admire this hunk for more than five minutes if you strapped me down and deprived me of all other entertainment. 


True - she probably will look better in a bikini. Certainly better than me - I don't think I have worn one of those things since the Treaty of Versailles; it's not the best look for stretch marks and random wobbly and/or bobbly bits. But then she may get that clock ticking thing we women are prone to and eventually want to reproduce in her own image.

I am so glad I'm not a man! They are much more likely to get bamboozled into a secondary bunch of sproglets.Think of your pensions, lads! You thought you'd be swanning off around the world enjoying some well-earned R and R, whereas in fact you'll be having to stump up another gazillion grand to get the new batch through college. Good luck to you! 


One family is more than enough for me, ta! Twenty five years of dreaming up delicious and nutritious meals that will please everyone (Ha! yeah, right...as if) has had its toll. When the last chick gets kicked out of flies the nest, I'm going to kiss goodbye to the pernicious purveyors of domestic pipe-dreams and take all the gadgets, mixers, fancy pots and pans, food processors, melon ballers, strawberry hullers and other unidentifiable gizmos that I was fooled into thinking would a/change my life b/make me into Nigella and put them into semi-permanent storage; I shall live on salad, cake, baked beans and take aways. So if you're planning to visit, you have been warned. Bring your own egg whisk and make sure you drop into Tesco on your way here. 


Which is why I check the profiles for cooking ability... That's a definite thumbs up moment! 


A here's a prayer of thanks I thought I'd never say:


Dear Lord, Thank you for the menopause. Amen.  

8 comments:

snoozy said...

OMG......Your sooo right thank the lord i'm a lady of a certain age!!
Must also amend my profile to read anyone with small children need not respond,got shot of my own,don't want to spend time with any other little sweet hearts!!! Now I sound like a grumpy old woman! Oh well another little sherry will lift the mood HIC!

suki said...

i do hope that doesnt rule out bacon sandwiches on the sofa at 11am in the morning still in jim-jams for very old and equally menopausal friends?? you cant do that with friends, however svelte and young looking if they are worried about the school run/babysitters/ brownies/cubs/etc
keep the pecker up..(either metaphorically or literally) Suki G

Cousin Bette said...

Don't you just love menopausal women?!?!?! They are the very best of slob out jim jam mates. They do not, however, supply a decent roll in the hay. Oh well, back to the drawing board...

Cousin Bette said...

Suki - I am doing my level best to find the ideal pecker to keep up... You shall be the first to be informed should the occasion (and/or pecker) arise!

Anonymous said...

Too funny! I do love Nigella though (she's sort of the porn queen of Food Network - well, right after Giada, that is) ;-) Oh wait, can you tell I'm a foodie?

Er, I've gone off topic. Again ...

D said...

Ah Bette... so young and so foolish! As the more mature woman (I assume I am - you've pointed this out several times now!)... you think you're shut of the kiddlings when they move out?! Ha! There are the phone calls for money, and the drop-ins when they need laundry done or the girlfriend has dumped them. Then you help pay for the weddings (it's 50-50 these days, no relying on the daughter-in-laws' parents to cough up the whole payment) and suddenly the snotty-nosed, drooling, diaper-clad grandchildren get dumped on your doorstep. Need I go on? I think you get the picture! No time for jim-jams and lazy mornings with a paper and tea. Even my drastic measures (i.e., moving without leaving a forwarding address to the offspring) didn't work... and that was bloody expensive too! Sad to say, it's our lot in life to be the ones our little darlings run home to each and every time someone looks at them cross-eyed! I blame it all on Sesame Street! (oh my... I've just looked down on the word verification I have to copy before I can post this comment... no word of a lie... it's "mummi" hahahaha!!!) - someone pass me the vodka!

Cousin Bette said...

D - thank you for your kind words. Now, may I make a small suggestion? Why don't you go and boil your own head?
Jeeze, I was having such a good day, (the birds were singing, Katie Price had emigrated and God was in his Heaven) till all this bad news came along. ;)

bella emberg said...

What about ham sandwiches, jelly and crisps.....