Good grief!
I never knew I was so gorgeous. Why didn’t somebody tell me earlier? The notifications of people wanting to meet me, who have sent messages or added me to their ‘special’ list have been pouring into my Hotmail account. Loads of them. I thought I’d wait until the end of the day, save them up, like, before I had a proper gander.
Then I had the proper look and learned the grim, awful ego-annihilating truth. Well, I won’t go through all of them for you – we’d be here for hours, or rather I’d be here for hours filling out these tables and transcribing their CVs. Let’s just do this one – a random example.
BigDan63
Age | 47 | Education | High school |
Height | 5’7’’ | Profession | Unemployed |
Looking for | Dating | Drinking | Often |
Children | 4 | Religion | None |
Status | Single | Ethnicity | Caucasian |
The longest relationship BigDan has been in was over 3 years. (Blimey - he did well.)
About BigDan
i’m a fun guy looking for a nice woman.lol. no complecations. Romantic,gsoh, like footie, eating in, cuddles on the sofa, music – anything good, like going to the pub for a drink or 2 lol, favrite food –curry, not bothed where u come from or wot u look like.
The picture is of a middle-aged man in a sleeveless t-shirt underneath which lurks a considerable beer belly. He looks decidedly older than 47, is holding a lager can and laughing – I expect that shows he’s ‘fun’ and the life and soul of the party. No flesh colour left on his arms, wrist to shoulder tattoos.
Lol…not! Did he read my profile at all? Well, highly unlikely because he probably can’t read. And did you spot that ‘cuddles on the sofa’? I’m sure they put this rubbish in because they think women want to hear it; perhaps they do. I can’t be a normal woman then. (I fear I may be encouraging Stella to pass some withering comment by saying that…)
Anyway, BigDan’s message to me is, “Hi sexy. U new on here? Lol want to chat? Lol xx”
Frankly… must I? Is it absolutely de rigeur?
You may have noticed that I'm not what you’d call retiring or someone who is generally lost for words; however, what is the etiquette of these things? Don’t want to be rude (not his fault he’s a reject from the Jeremy Kyle show), certainly don’t want to be encouraging either. I’ll have to have a ponder. What do you think I should say?
6 comments:
This is great, I remember the joys of being single in the 12 years between sudden widowing and the lightning striking. I recall with special fondness the guy with the handkerchief demonstrating Morris dancing moves in one restaurant which was deeply embarressing (I haven't been back) but seems funnier with each passing decade. The guy from the French commune was suprisingly bendy (lots of yoga) but the woman's pyjamas were a bit off-putting. The sexy gardener turned out to mostly want to talk about lawn care (still yawning) but just when I decided I wasn't giving up the remote control or the middle of the bed, I was off the market. On the understanding that the remote was mine and the narrow strip on the edge of the mattress was his. (Hoping this posts, it didn't the first time!)
So, are you saying that I have to wait TWELVE years until the Prince comes? That sounds like a hell of a lot of frogs to me. Thanks for ruining my day!
LOL -as in Lots of Luck - sounds like you may need it!
I keep telling you, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. so get frog snogging, it's never bothered you before. x
The real problem here is that BigDan thinks hes a catch, whilst women tie themselves up in knots regarding their own inadequacies- blokes just think that they are perfect!
3 March 2011 13:10
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