"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." Greg Anderson
Easy for him to say! All he ever has to do is wash and shave. That's because he's a man.

My journey starts with the FIRST BLOG; you'll need coffee/tea and probably some chocolate digestives, or maybe some Cadbury's Fruit and Nut, or Green and Black's Organic if you've got more money than sense.

Sunday, 22 May 2011

The French Connection

The format of this particular blog is specifically designed for a non-English friend who says she’d be awfully grateful if I put myself out and wrote in the Queen’s English once in a blue moon. So, Svetlana, my dear priatelka, I've done this for you. Click on the words for idiom explanations, you lazy krava. 

I’ve just come back from a coffee date that I really didn’t want to go on. Earlier in the week, I almost kicked the guy into touch  because I was sick of the ping pong two liners (four each way and I’m guaranteed to be bored witless), but he was persistent in a (relatively) charming fashion, and in the end, against my better judgement, I agreed to a meeting. To be honest, the photo didn’t inspire me much either; he had the look of a beaver about him

We'd messaged very little information to one another, and I knew nothing about him other than his name which indicated somebody foreign. So, totting up the potential issues:
  1. The one/two liners - possibly shy and I’d have to adopt my person-centred-counselling persona - you know how much I love that!
  2. Perhaps English not first language - I might have to do all the talking.
  3. Not drop dead gorgeous - I probably won’t fancy him. 
All in all, not a lot going for this encounter really.

With me so far?  Bear all that in mind and I’ll tell you I just about managed to smear a bit of slap on and give myself two squirts of deodorant, so keen was I. Pushed the boat out, like. Not. 

We’d already decided where we were going to have this rendezvous, so when I got a text from him asking me where we'd meet I thought it a bit strange. It’s something I have to learn to understand. There are some women who are uncomfortable going into a place alone, and there are some gentlemanly men who know this and make it easier for the woman by meeting her outside. I used to think it was peculiar, as if the latter part of the 20th century hadn’t happened, as if men thought there was something wrong with women who went into places alone; now I realise not every female is as independent as I am, so I’ve stopped being snotty about it.

Anyway, the person who turned up was pretty much like his picture, but animation adds so much warmth and lips do occasionally stretch over teeth during plosive consonants (such a blessing!); plus, he was very comfortable in his own skin. We decided to begin at the beginning, having agreed there'd been nothing but mindless drivel in the messages on the website.

Well! Let me tell you I really must listen to Stella more often! I shouldn’t be so picky. Nice guy! Well, you know, since it's mainly just us gals in here, I mean 'nice guy' given that all men have their minor vast limitations… (I might have just lost a few followers... Come back, lads! I was only teasing!) And the best bit of all – he had lived most of his life in France, so we had a good old chinwag en francais. As to another date – if he asked me (which I don’t think he will – there really was none of the elusive spark between us), I’d probably say oui just for opportunity (to) bavarder in the mother tongue for a couple of hours. But a proper romance – no, I don’t think so.  Sorry to disappoint.

If I haven’t completed Stella's (formerly known as Lyn) shag-project by the end of the year, I shall be re-entering the convent, or selling up and buying log cabin in a forest by a lake. I’ll buy a shotgun, install the internet and write blogs on a million and one things to do with a wild mushroom and deer dung. I should have got the hang of it by then. 

So, yeah, anyway - next!

Oops. PS While I've been writing this, I’ve received two texts from him - wants to see me again. Shall I go for the craic, or is that leading him on? And don't forget he's Gallic - might necessitate a second-date snog - brrrrrr! 

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

GO! ;-) Look Bette, we know the pickins are damn slim out there. If you didn't hate him (aren't i the optimist)and he wasn't absolutely hideous, it might be worth a 2nd go, just to see? Now, mind you that every time I've agreed to a 'just to see' 2nd date, I've regretted it, but I'm sure you're a better person than I. ;-)

bella emberg said...

Go! You never know he might just do something to spark your interest- instant attraction is rare!

Kettlehunter said...

Go & enjoy the "french" kissing....GRoan!

Cousin Bette said...

Blimey, you lot! OK, I'll go! He'd better firm it up then, as it were. The time, the date, the venue, I mean! ;)

bella69 said...

Bette, over the last couple of nights during the wee small hours I've had the pleasure of reading ur hilarious escapades from day one (or when the now Stella was formerly Lyn!) You'd think such a forthright friend could decide on a name!!!lol. I have to confess that I too have a ‘Stella' in my life, my very wonderful big Sis!!! I swear the two are so alike they could be related! Not only have you managed to make a miserable old gal wet herself with laughter(literally - another side effect of ageing!!!) but u made what would have been another long drawn out nite(insomnia sufferer too! God I'd sell myself well on the old Internet dating lark wouldn't I?)pass in a flash. Please keep urs and Stellas hilarious antics and escapades coming as they truly brighten my day. Oh and for the record I agree Ellen and co that u should defo go meet ‘him' again. You've got nothing to lose and potentially loads to gain. Stella may be forthright to the point of slightly rude at times but if she's anything like my Sis she's a rare gem with a heart of gold, and if she's made it her mission in life to get u a shag believe me resistance I'd futile she WILL SUCCEED! Til the next time ..........

bella69 said...

I meant to write resistance wud be futile,I do know how to spell promise. Put it down to lack of shut-eye!! Till the next time.....

peter.sheeran said...

Well said Bella69. I too have laughed myself to bits over your and Stella's antics and observations. (The prophylactic debate rages - we're looking at a double braces, tied round the waist combo as a fave..)But as for the latest date - I too think you should give him a fighting chance. You were not repelled, you had stimulating conversation en francais and he would like to see you again. C'mon Cousin Bette 'let's hear it for the boy...'(oh and bonne chance)

Ken said...

Well Bette, I could resist no longer and finally read this post today - 6 days since your lovely and blatant direction!

Now this is very interesting to me as I am about to, this very day, meet someone in a similar manner, for the first time. I have never done this sort of business before (the IT induced meeting part), so I am devoid of any clue whatever.

To hear about the way you are thinking on this is, well, off-putting. My understanding is right up there with the stereotypical male - I usually glean the opposite meaning from whatever a woman says to me...so wish me luck! And best to you too! Thanks for the guffaws.

Cousin Bette said...

Hi Bella69 - Nice to meet you and thanks! You'd be just great as an insomnia sufferer on the dating websites - that's when all the weirdos come out, searching for their prey. Stella has just told me another wonderful late night story - I say wonderful.... I mean truly dregtastic. I'll have it out by the end of the week. Watch this space. Well, not this space exactly, but you know, somewhere around here. ;)

Cousin Bette said...

PS - Marvellous idea about the double braces, tied round the waist. Must come up with a prototype! I feel a creative moment coming on...

Cousin Bette said...

Hi Ken - How did the date go? All a bit daunting, isn't it? Anyway, did you understand what she was saying to you? Did you mistake or overestimate any signals? Or was she just an ugly, whiny, miserable old boot and you were glad to get rid? Can't wait to hear! OMG, perhaps it was love at first sight! Now, I AM excited!

Ken said...

Well Bette, the meeting was postponed to today and it went very well. The lady was articulate, lovely, polite and kind.
As you might suspect, I have not the foggiest idea what that all means or will mean or even could mean...but there it is! Was fun to speak with someone for awhile anyway...me ..lonely - spose so! What's a guy to do? PS how would I know if it's love at first sight? Oh right, she would tell me! :-)

Cousin Bette said...

Ken - Exactly! You are learning! Good boy!

Cousin Bette said...

Bella69 - Here's a small gift. You know, just as a general suck up. Oops, I mean as a token of thanks. ;)

http://musingoncruising.blogspot.com/p/depository.html